The other day a
young person asked me how I felt about being old. I was taken aback, for I do
not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my reaction, she was immediately
embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question, and I would
ponder it, and let her know.
Old Age, I
decided, is a gift.I am now, probably for the first time
in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body!
I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the
baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by
that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I
don't agonize over those things for long.
I would never
trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving
family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've
become my own friend.
I don't chide
myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying
that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante
garde on my patio. I am entitled to a! treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.
I have seen too
many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great
freedom that comes with aging.
Whose business is it if I choose to
read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon?
I will
dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60&70's, and if I, at the
same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will.
I will
walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will
dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances
from the jet set.
They, too, will get old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful.
But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually
remember the important things.
Sure,
over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break
when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's
beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us
strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is
pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to have lived long
enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever
etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so
many have died before their hair could turn silver.
As you get older,
it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think.
I don't question
myself anymore. I've even earned the right to
be wrong.
So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the
person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am
still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying
about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel
like it)
