Resolved

So, here it is -- the first day of 2011.

1/1/11.

Full of hope and possibilities. A new beginning. A new set of calendars and day planners.

I sat down this week and began to fill them out. For the past 21 years I have automatically marked certain dates -- the first weeks of March for the basketball playoffs; the last weekend in May for softball; the second weekend in December for the football finals. The last Friday in August...

But no more.

Now I only had to mark the usual birthdays and anniversaries. The rest is left blank. Full of possibilities.

2010 wasn't a good year for me.

I lost a job I loved and with it, my identity. I was moved, kicking and screaming, into a job I hated and resented. It hurt. It still does.

But I'm learning to live with it.

I'm happy to have a job. A good-paying job. And there's a lot to be said for 9-5.

I waited most of the year for something to happen with my book and still am. I got great, positive feedback from many who read it. I got an agent. I got impatient.

I go into 2011 still waiting. Still hoping.

Just as I did last year.

On this day one year ago I started another diet.

But I walked less than I should have.

I ate more than I should have.

And I yelled more than I should have at my little girl and my little old Mom.

So I hereby resolve:

To be more patient.

Not to expect so much from my 9-year-old child. Or my 53-year-old husband. Or my 77-year old Mommy.

To do more with all of them.

To hug and kiss them more.

To eat less and move more.

To let go of the life I had.

To be happy that I have a job -- a good one -- at all.

To let this space be my creative outlet. Even if no one reads it.

And to continue to have hope.